indignitas | noctium inbox

[ Hm. He's uncertain how to take that, but fretting does nothing. Three days is basically nothing. Hell, the almost year he's been at home is functionally nothing as well to someone of his age. ]

ALL RIGHT SEE YOU THEN

[ About three days later, there's a firm tap on Daigo's balcony door, and Shaxx simply leaning on the railing. Of course he climbed up that way again for his own amusement. ]

[ As usual, the cat is the first one to greet him. The angry, one-eyed beast is only slightly less angry than he was the last time Shaxx tried out this entry point. The creature goes up on its back legs with a plaintive yowl, slapping at the glass. Pap pap pap. Daigo follows behind more slowly, leaning down and scooping the cat into the crook of one arm like a football and then depositing him into a bed up on a shelf. Daigo provides a stern warning to behave himself. The cat yowls at him too but sinks back into the pillow, glowering judgmentally. Goro-chan disapproves of all visitors as a matter of course.

Which leaves no further prevarication and Daigo goes to the door. This would have been easier down at the garage, where he would have some protection from himself. There's no one to be but just Daigo up here and he's sick of his own insistent loneliness. He exhales and doesn't hesitate much in opening the balcony door.

It was different in Marilla. He was incautious then, not realizing that he was setting himself up for problems down the line when he let the Titan into his quiet spaces. What was he thinking, exactly, when he started taking Shaxx's hand? That he was sick of his own insistent loneliness. That he didn't want to think about Mine or Ichiban any longer. That he didn't want to make Shaxx feel alone either.

Looking up, Daigo's expression is mostly neutral but his eyes are dark with the emotion he's tamping down. A pointless endeavor, they're right next to each other now and it rings off his gem like a bell. ]

It's been a while. Come in.

[ I missed you so much. ]

[ That statement he doesn't argue with; the perception of time is a relative thing. And a month or a year may seem like very little to someone over 500 years old; it's a different matter to someone who's mortal. Part of what makes these kinds of relationships difficult.

It's strange to not be able to answer longing with that same amount of longing, because he was unaware of that passage of time in multiple ways; his year at home, he was unaware of what he'd left behind, and upon his return, the month he'd been gone was also not consciously perceived.

He tugs his right glove off with an easy motion and reaches out to lightly touch Daigo's cheek. ]

Sorry I couldn't come by sooner.

[ But he had to get things in order in his own house first, so to speak.

He pulls his other glove off as he walks inside, tucking both into his belt. ]

[ It wasn't a long time, but then it wasn't really about the time at all. It was about knowing that even when someone was determined to stay, they couldn't. The usual bitter pill. His only contentment had been that maybe Shaxx was at least happy to see his city. That he likely wasn't dead; not like Mine and Dettlaff. ]

No, I'm... sure there's a lot to take care of.

[ He could easily have gone himself but plodding along in his routine is what has kept him going. That's why he has one, why he makes up work for himself when he hardly needs to. It stops him from centering on what's missing in his life.

Shaxx is here now. That forces the issue. ]

I'll make some tea.

[ 'Host' is the only armor he has left at the moment. It gives him something to do while this obvious elephant is in his small apartment. ]

Mmm. [ A noncommittal sound. There was a lot to take care of. Massive issues still ongoing. And it's all stuff he's not really at liberty to talk about with anyone outside of Wanda and Crow, because of the level of defensive paranoia they're required to be at.

He hates this.

He follows Daigo toward the kitchen and takes the chair there, going into his habitual comfortable sprawl. ]

Sounds as if the world was relatively peaceful, while I was gone?

[ His gesture are distracted as he snags the electric kettle, water running. ]

It was.

[ Maybe he hadn't appreciated that. He could have done with a distraction. Boredom and restlessness well up under the surface when there isn't adequate stress and mayhem to drive up his adrenaline. And now he'll have to put up the motorcycle for winter soon. What is he going to do with himself. ]

Maybe more transformations than usual.

[ No, he's sure. Dragon early in the month, peri again later. He's less certain what exactly that bodes for all of them. He glances sideways. He's still much safer here than he ever would be in Tokyo, even with all the monsters. He supposes that says something about the yakuza. ]

I was more worried about you.

[ Already looking away, reaching up into a cabinet for cups. Really, he can imagine the response without hearing it. Probably that there's no need to worry. ]

[ He's curious about the how and why of these further transformations, but decides that he'll circle back to ask about that later. Daigo's aware of the situation on Shaxx's earth, and the way the lives of Guardians go. It's fair to answer his concern first. ]

I'm still in the Tower rather than out in the field. Relatively safe.

[ He considers what and how much to say. He is compelled, at least, to be honest. ]

The City was attacked during the last year, but it was an attack we repelled... with the aide of new allies.

The bigger problem is some.... upsetting things occurred in the Tower. I can't talk about most of those things yet.

[ He means Osiris. He means Saint's desperate search. He means Crow's disappearance to find himself.

He does not mean the arrival of Mara Sov, because he is determinately not thinking about that. It's a minor problem, if it's even a problem, and his alone. ]

[ Oh, he actually took that seriously. That's more concerning. Daigo pauses in scooping tea into the steeper, turning to look at Shaxx as he talks. He purses his lips to hear 'upsetting' and then turns back to finish up. He brings over a teapot with steeping tea and two cups, sitting down. He folds his arm on the narrow table. He normally tries to at least go onto the balcony to smoke, but it's his apartment in the end. He fiddles out a cigarette, looking much too serious. This is definitely what it would look like debriefing the chairman. ]

You have some assistance with that?

[ He can probably not pry if it's not something that Shaxx is handling alone. ]

Yes. [ He considers leaving it at that, but Daigo will probably feel better if there are names attached to that assistance. ]

Wanda and Crow.

[ And he can trust Daigo to be discreet. He certainly knows that about the man. ]

I'm glad.

[ He learned a long time ago that not every problem is his to solve, and he trusts Wanda implicitly to look after things. His gaze drifts, watching smoke curl in the light from the window. ]

Sorry it turned out like that though.

[ Dragged back and forth, just to acquire more baggage. Although doesn't that just seem like the way? ]

[ Shaxx shrugs, fingers lightly drumming on the tabletop. ]

We've faced worse.

[ Both true and untrue. This hasn't had the body count of the Red War, at least not yet. But it's far more personally distressing because of who is involved, and there's nothing he can do about it.

But there are a lot of personally distressing things that have happened, and he doesn't want to think about any of them. And there's really no reason to. This is a very different place. ]

And most problems stay at home.

[ Other than the issue with Osiris... none of the rest matters here. ]

How have things been here?

[ He makes a faint click of disapproval with his tongue. 'We've faced worse' is a card that he isn't accepting, but he also does nothing to pursue it further. ]

The Underground is discontent and the gems in Haustram think we've been raising monsters out of their lakes. The mayor is still missing.

[ A lazy exhale out of the corner of his mouth. He reaches out to finally pour the two cups of tea, steam swirling. ]

What's the Underground troubled about?

[ He's assuming that people haven't actually been raising monsters from the lakes. At which point, he ceases to be interested in the matter. Politics are not his area of expertise. ]

Is the mayor being missing a problem?

Someone is stirring them up, new player on the field. I've been talking down a lot of petty disputes lately.

[ Did he mention he was doing that... Ah. Well, he just did. Of course Daigo can't keep his nose out of what is going on with the crime families. He has a personal friend in the Lotus Family, someone inclined to listen to him about the safety of the gembonded. ]

Missing politicians are usually a problem. He also sent a rather ominous message which raises questions as to whether he's been driven into hiding, or if he's dead.

New player?

[ It's an academic curiosity to him. He doesn't want to be involved in petty disputes for the most part. Though it is useful to know when things might get out of hand. ]

Politics. [ Like a curse. ]

Anything going to need to be crushed?

[ Once a Warlord, always a Warlord. The mortals can have their squabbles until they're his problem, at which point he will end them definitively. ]

Red thinks that someone is antagonizing the families intentionally, but no one has taken responsibility for it yet.

[ Politics, not so terribly different from crime in Daigo's estimations. He has a markedly poor view on the airs government puts on, as though every system isn't rife with corruption. He considers Shaxx for a moment, hand poised around the rim of his cup. ]

I'll let you know.

[ If the problem becomes outsized enough to require a Titan. He would prefer to keep trying with words and a good reputation. ]

Underhanded cowards.

[ It isn't as if he hasn't dealt with that sort of nonsense before, himself. Most Warlords weren't as straightforward as him. But those had been the conflicts he'd found annoying. Knowing who you're fighting is always cleaner.

But he acknowledges that as far as the subject needs to go with a nod. Of course Daigo will tell him if something needs to be destroyed. He trusts the man.

Silence stretches for a moment as he considers the not purely physical distance between them. The tea cups that make their own sort of wall. It's a bit ridiculous in a way. One year is not time at all; one month even less that.

And he's never had any use for circumlocution. He raises his hand, palm still down toward the table, and beckons Daigo across that short distance. ]

Come here.

Edited 2021-12-14 07:32 (UTC)

Underhanded, but smart. Instability is the perfect time to make a play for territory and influence.

[ Daigo did his best to run things above board, but to claim he never did anything underhanded or even cowardly would be incorrect. That's gokudo, and you play with the cards that are dealt to you. Sometimes there is no winning.

The face he makes at Shaxx is at the least a little amused. Bored with standing on ceremony already? He's not surprised but he hesitates anyway. He doesn't want to air our whatever abandonment issue bullshit he's carrying around. Just drink your tea. Just let me pretend to be fine until it's true. But in the end, he isn't going to refuse. He sets his cigarette aside and offers both hands, curling them in underneath.

Well. Here he is. Hurt in the way that he always has been, it's just noisy at the moment. That he's absolutely fucking cursed, that he's going to end up alone at the top of the world no matter what he does. ]

Better?

[ A wry note, bitter. He doesn't want to be like this. ]

It's a task you're equal to.

[ The territory game just makes Shaxx tired. He did it for hundreds of years. He doesn't want to have to care unless, as he asked before, there is someone Daigo thinks needs to be destroyed. Since this is apparently a game Daigo is actually interested in playing.

What Shaxx is more interested in his curling his fingers around Daigo's, seeking that connection, listening for what is troubling him. He's searching for his own footing still, in a way. Daigo's slight prickliness, however subtle, has thrown him off when he'd naturally just return under the assumption that nothing has changed in such a short time. ]

You tell me.

[ He frowns faintly, reluctant. There aren't many acceptable options in front of him. He can't play Shaxx off. He can't tolerate pushing him away either; that's what he watched Kiryu do for twenty years. It should be so simple, just swallow his pride and own his vulnerability. Scars come from survival. We all carry our own damage. It should be so simple.

But for a moment he'd understood the appeal of leaving for Okinawa. Just dropping all the weight and going somewhere else. He presses the tip of his tongue to the point of one tooth for a moment. ]

I love you.

[ Outside of sappy scenes on TV, it's not how Japanese people express that. There's something awkward and unfinished in the utterance. Love is an action without direction when put into aishiteru. Inherently helpless. ]

And I didn't expect you back.

[ His frown deepens. He should be elated, but in reality it twinges.

Is he disappointed in himself because he wasn't going to wait. Or is he disappointed that he put himself in this position in the first place. Or is it that losing the people he loves still turns him into a stricken nineteen year old? Maybe it's that he can't seem to get hold of any of it and exert his control. Daigo has grace for everyone except himself. He's never quite enough for himself. ]

[ Love is ultimately a helpless feeling, Shaxx would say. A resource that can, at best, be turned to fuel.

There's no surprise at the declaration; for all it's a thing not spoken, it's difficult to miss such things with synchrony in play. Even if it's rather strange to him to hear such things spoken. Love is a reality that doesn't, in Shaxx's estimation, often need to be put into words in this kind of context. But he's also more comfortable "loving everyone" as it's said of him than loving an individual, which feels like a far less selfless act.

What he can do is offer that steady presence he's always been, the affection and love that he feels for Daigo, lightly weaving their fingers together. ]

It's complicated when someone you think is gone returns. Whether you've fully let go of them or not.

[ Traveler, does he know that. And he's now at least more comfortable internally with complicated feelings being allowed. Though it's much easier when one isn't feeling said complicated feelings. ]

Do you need more time?

[ There is nothing accusatory in the statement; he's here because he wanted to see Daigo and check on him. But sometimes things take time to think through, and extending that grace to someone else is a trivial matter. He's more used to people being absent for long periods of time; it's the nature of a Guardian's life. ]

[ His mind drifts, back to the letter that was waiting for him the last time he was released from prison: Instead of cherishing our time together, I threw it all away. Rejected our bond. It had been a listing of regrets, Kiryu's apology for not standing beside him. The remedy prescribed was to spend time with the people you love before they're gone for good. Before you ruin what you have. ]

No.

[ He turns his head to look at the window, his frown slipping into an expression of genuine upset. What a terrible feeling he's been keeping tucked away. He knew it would be miserable wrenching this all open. But it could be worse. He could still be missing the rooted anchor of the emerald; the big tree that unifies the landscape of his gem. He is barbed with hurt but he reaches anyway, all scar tissue and heart breaks.

It was a more difficult month than he said that it was. ]

Good.

[ Shaxx reads that as permission. He stands and moves around the table so he can simply pull Daigo into his arms. Because for all that it's only been a year, it's still been a year, and he's glad to see the man.

Though he does take care since he's still wearing his armor.

He's as solid as ever, unmoving in affection no matter which way a particular amethyst breeze might blow. ]

[ There's no one like Shaxx to rely on in Tokyo. That's how he got like this, why it's so hard to just let himself be so openly distraught. But he's trying. Trying not to let the grim yakuza need to save face destroy something that he loves. He's not going to get another chance. When he goes back to Tokyo it will be as it always has been. There will be a target on his back and there will be thousands of eyes watching him for his strength.

He rests his forehead against a piece of armor, eyes lax. He's never let the armor bother him, he's always known that there is someone inside. ]

I missed you.

[ Maybe more to himself than to Shaxx, a little thing he didn't let himself align into a precise sentence before now. ]

[ Shaxx keeps one arm around Daigo, the other hand coming up to comb fingers lightly through his hair. There is part of him that still isn't over getting to play with someone's hair. ]

It's all right.

[ To have missed someone. To admit to it. To love someone and need them. To take what you can in the moments there are. ]

text -> action

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject