[ He should say something. He should do something besides stare a hole into the table. There's still a deep need to keep up appearances. He wants to lie and say yes, it's enough, but it's not. It will never be enough.
The lingering silence and his inability to look at Daigo should be answer enough. Mine looks up after a solid minute of silence, tired of poking the remnants of his food around his bowl and avoiding the question. It should just be simple enough to tell him the truth.
It's not. He hesitates again. ]
No. [ It's out there now. ] It's not. If that's all you want it to be, I can accept that.
[ He really didn't mean to do this here. But they have about five minutes before anyone notices they're lingering longer than they need to. No one is paying attention, his bodyguards aren't here, Majima isn't lurking around a corner. It's a small bubble of time where they are entirely inconspicuous; where they are no one of note. ]
That sounds awful.
[ Bluntly. Considering Daigo's own pathetic habit of pining for things he can't have, he can attest. ]
I don't want to do that to you. But I don't know if I even have what you want.
[ And if I have to watch you destroy yourself over me again, I don't think I can stand it. ]
[ What a rare and strange opportunity to exist as faces in a crowd, even if just for a few minutes. Too bad it's saddled with the reality of what's been said. It's crushing instead of freeing.
Of course Daigo has what he wants -- how can he not? That's why he did everything he did. It was all in the name of proving his worth to Daigo. He clearly has to have what Mine wants. If he doesn't...What does that mean? The thought alone is enough to send him spiraling.
They're in public. He has to maintain his calm. The existential crisis a simple statement kicked off can wait until he's alone again. ]
But what if you do? [ Selfish. Self-centered. He hasn't learned anything, has he? ] You aren't obligated to give me anything or do anything for my sake. But...
[ No. It's too much to ask anything of Daigo. It's not his place. If Daigo wants to give him more than he already has, that's his choice. As much as Mine wants it, pushing it is not in anyone's best interest.
[ He's smarter than this. He knows there's no way to disentangle doing something for Mine's sake. To ease his heartache, to try again to instill something valuable in him. You don't take up relationships planning to change the other person. ]
Things would have been easier if you left, you know. If you were a civilian instead of my subordinate.
[ Distance, their own separate lives to live. It doesn't work like that with the gokudo, where they're sworn brothers and Daigo has taken a bullet for him and reports to him more days than not. ]
Anything I do is an abuse of power. Even just allowing you to stay is stringing you along for my benefit.
[ And he's already selfishly, pathetically done that. He folds his hands on the table, pushing his food to the side with his head slightly tilted. ]
[ Easier. Lots of things would have been easier. It's not as if he didn't choose this path for himself; he knew exactly what this kind of life would entail. Nothing has been easy for him. Why start taking the easy path after a little near-death experience? ]
That's your choice, isn't it? It's not up to me to decide for you.
[ And whatever Daigo decides, he'll accept. It's not like Mine is going to go anywhere. It'll just be a desire forever out of his reach that may or may not drive him mad -- more mad. ]
[ At surface value, maybe it looks like he's trying to get out of being responsible for this choice but what this looks like in Daigo's mind is simple: They can't do this if Mine is forever going to treat him like an infallible master.
He sweeps up his garbage in a smooth motion then. When he's sorted it into the appropriate little bins, he straightens his coat and waits by the door. He's already feeling around his pockets for his deck of cigarettes. ]
[ Mine takes a moment to compose himself before following after him. He has to make the decision...
The right one would be to not take a chance on this and carry on as things always have been. He's not in the mood to make the correct decision. What he wants and has wanted for quite some time is dangling right there in front of him and like hell he's going to walk away from that.
There's that selfishness he can't give up.
He deals with his trash before fixing his gaze on Daigo. ]
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no subject
The lingering silence and his inability to look at Daigo should be answer enough. Mine looks up after a solid minute of silence, tired of poking the remnants of his food around his bowl and avoiding the question. It should just be simple enough to tell him the truth.
It's not. He hesitates again. ]
No. [ It's out there now. ] It's not. If that's all you want it to be, I can accept that.
[ He can't.
He'll have to. ]
no subject
That sounds awful.
[ Bluntly. Considering Daigo's own pathetic habit of pining for things he can't have, he can attest. ]
I don't want to do that to you. But I don't know if I even have what you want.
[ And if I have to watch you destroy yourself over me again, I don't think I can stand it. ]
no subject
Of course Daigo has what he wants -- how can he not? That's why he did everything he did. It was all in the name of proving his worth to Daigo. He clearly has to have what Mine wants. If he doesn't...What does that mean? The thought alone is enough to send him spiraling.
They're in public. He has to maintain his calm. The existential crisis a simple statement kicked off can wait until he's alone again. ]
But what if you do? [ Selfish. Self-centered. He hasn't learned anything, has he? ] You aren't obligated to give me anything or do anything for my sake. But...
[ No. It's too much to ask anything of Daigo. It's not his place. If Daigo wants to give him more than he already has, that's his choice. As much as Mine wants it, pushing it is not in anyone's best interest.
He can wait as long as he has to. ]
no subject
Things would have been easier if you left, you know. If you were a civilian instead of my subordinate.
[ Distance, their own separate lives to live. It doesn't work like that with the gokudo, where they're sworn brothers and Daigo has taken a bullet for him and reports to him more days than not. ]
Anything I do is an abuse of power. Even just allowing you to stay is stringing you along for my benefit.
[ And he's already selfishly, pathetically done that. He folds his hands on the table, pushing his food to the side with his head slightly tilted. ]
What should I do?
no subject
That's your choice, isn't it? It's not up to me to decide for you.
[ And whatever Daigo decides, he'll accept. It's not like Mine is going to go anywhere. It'll just be a desire forever out of his reach that may or may not drive him mad -- more mad. ]
no subject
No. It is. You need to make the decision.
[ At surface value, maybe it looks like he's trying to get out of being responsible for this choice but what this looks like in Daigo's mind is simple: They can't do this if Mine is forever going to treat him like an infallible master.
He sweeps up his garbage in a smooth motion then. When he's sorted it into the appropriate little bins, he straightens his coat and waits by the door. He's already feeling around his pockets for his deck of cigarettes. ]
no subject
The right one would be to not take a chance on this and carry on as things always have been. He's not in the mood to make the correct decision. What he wants and has wanted for quite some time is dangling right there in front of him and like hell he's going to walk away from that.
There's that selfishness he can't give up.
He deals with his trash before fixing his gaze on Daigo. ]
I'm willing to take the chance.
no subject
On what, Mine-san?
[ He's asking for something, maybe it's self-awareness. ]
no subject