[ Daigo had made a meager attempt to dissuade him coming back. If there was any time to leave the gokudo, now seemed like it. The life had already taken plenty of tolls off of his lieutenant. Once upon a time, that would have been Kashiwagi's duty to attend to. He had taken more than enough fallen yakuza into his halfway house to recover, to make plans to set them free of the dire obligations called for. But if they haven't lost Mine they've certainly lost Kashiwagi. Kanda and Hamazaki too but can Daigo call that anything other than thorns removed from his side... It leaves his court shockingly empty, shoulder leaned hard into Majima while the clan's cash flow flounders without Mine's careful attention to it.
It doesn't leave Daigo much choice but to accept it that Mine wants to take up the helm again. There's no one who can do a better job, the intricacies of the families' many enterprises is too much of a challenge for anyone else to skillfully wrangle.
It doesn't stop Daigo from regretting it a little anyway, even if he won't say as much. The hospital rooftop remains a whirl and a wound that still twinges. What is he doing to his men that things could go so terribly wrong?
There's a undercurrent of uncertainty when he appears in the door of the Hakuho office, ]
[ Getting used to working again after what happened has been a ... difficult adjustment. His body still aches more than it should. Keeping up the prior level of organization isn't as easy as it used to be, especially not after he let that stock deal go. It doesn't mean he's not still doing it, though.
Daigo's assessment is correct. It takes Mine a moment to even look up from what he's working on. He stands up from his desk and bows. ]
As hard as I should be. [ Harder than that. He's still not completely recovered from the incident at the hospital, but Mine isn't one to sit idle when he could be working. His devotion to Daigo is still unwavering. ] ...You didn't come here just to check on me, did you?
[ Of course he did. He's concerned and, to put a finer point on it, lonely. They may have saved the day, but now they have their endless war with greed and ambition. Kiryu had left him alone with it again, hurried back to those who needed him more. Daigo's need is never compelling enough. He has an empty board room and binder full of candidates to flip through. Familiar and unfamiliar faces, all of whom mostly want to usurp him. Nothing but enemies and rivals beneath an unsteady chair.
He makes himself smile at Mine anyway. ]
I wanted to get lunch with you, but... I could always ask Majima.
[ A dirty play, he knows. But it's hard to get Mine out from behind that desk if he doesn't apply a little pressure. ]
[ It is a dirty play, but of course it works. If Daigo had asked him to do almost anything, he would do it without a second thought. It's not as if he sees Majima as a threat in anyway, more that this is an opportunity he doesn't want to give to anyone else. Mine's devotion borders on obsession and better that Daigo be close at hand. There's at least one person Daigo doesn't need to worry about challenging his power.
He manages a slight smile himself. A break will do him some good, especially in more than agreeable company. ]
If that's what you want, I'm not going to turn you down. [ That's a yes. ] Did you have somewhere in mind?
[ There's something in Daigo's expression, a searching uncertainty. He's been second-guessing if he's even the right person to help this man. Does he just make it worse being so close but still unavailable? Is it even right to break that boundary when there's such a huge and obvious power difference? Majima would tell him fuck no and to stay away from that basket of crazy. Kiryu would tell him to follow his heart with no consideration for the consequences.
In the end, he just wants what's going to be good for Yoshitaka. A lunch break is a start and he can continue to fret about it all from there. ]
Honestly, I just wanted to go down to the cafe and pick up something simple.
[ A wry, self-effacing little smile. Begging off to not be judged for his lack of sophisticated tastes. He's just a dumbass yakuza at heart. And when everything else is really too much, it's nice to make something be simple. ]
[ There should definitely be more distance between them, for the sake of both of them. Mine isn't going to be the one to enforce that, though -- of course he isn't. Does it drive him crazy to be so close yet unable to cross that invisible barrier? Yes. Will it stop him from wanting to be close to Daigo? Absolutely not. ]
Simple is fine with me.
[ For all the conspicuous consumption that fills his office and the type of lifestyle he'd grown accustomed to, sometimes he craves something simple and inexpensive. No expectations are attached when things are simple. There's none of the ritual and annoyance that can come with more expensive options. Everything else is too complicated already; lunch can be simple.
Mine carefully puts away what he'd been working on before stepping in front of his desk. It's hard not to feel unworthy of even being in Daigo's presence after what happened -- not that he ever felt worthy of that. Feelings to be choked down and put in their place. ]
[ Mine simply nods and follows along after him. It's strange to be among the living again. That fall should've been a death sentence...Did he owe his life to Daigo now? Who made the decision to try to save his life after that incident?
Mine realizes he's been silent for too long -- not that he's ever said more than strictly necessary. It just feels like he should say something right now. ]
Are you going to catch hell for being out unguarded like this?
[ Daigo doesn't appear to be taking it all that seriously. Although, behind his mild expression he does consider his data points. Tojo doesn't have any new front runners for power at the moment, why jump straight to assassinating him with so many chairs open to start from?
Can't ever really discount the Omi though. Although they seem to be rather content with their own rebuilding efforts after Ryuji left such a mess behind. Maybe next year they'll get back around to hating his guts. ]
I don't think I've upset anyone enough to warrant an attack in broad daylight recently.
[ He ducks his head down to pluck a cigarette out of a pack. ]
Majima can yell at me later, if he likes. Although, you could just not tell on me.
[ Mine almost instantly offers a light for Daigo. ]
I have no interest in telling on you. If he finds out, it won't be because of me.
[ This is just a lunch date. Nothing should happen. He's still a little paranoid for his own reasons -- running afoul of an international arms ring tends to have that effect. The leader may be dead, but that doesn't mean the group's dissolved. That paranoia means that Mine is slightly more armed than usual. If anything does happen, he can handle it. It's the least he can do. ]
You'll be safe with me, anyway.
[ A nagging voice in the back of his head says that no, Daigo is in more danger with him. It's a voice he conveniently ignores. A selfish action, but maybe he's earned being a little selfish. ]
[ It's rare for him to be alone long enough to light his own cigarettes, he just leans in and accepts it. The only times he really has even that much autonomy is late at night in his own apartment when he's finally pushed the bodyguards to leave him be. It's not that he doesn't understand and it's not that he isn't used to it, but there's always something baffling about how someone can barely ever be alone and still be so lonely. Like his body is out in the world and Daigo himself is somewhere in the back of his own mind, just waiting.
And he just smiles faintly at Mine in thanks. ]
Very gallant.
[ Majima would agree with Mine, that Daigo is in more danger around this basket case than he is with anyone else. The Mad Dog has been polite enough to keep the little incident with Kanda's head to himself, probably because Kiryu told him to, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten. ]
I'm not worried about it. You shouldn't be either.
[ A cheerful tone suggesting they use some mind over matter and just have a nice outing. That's what he wants for the moment. He ignores that niggling voice that tells him making Mine play along like nothing is wrong is cruel. But can't they just enjoy the fresh air for a few minutes? What is so wrong with that?
He lets his eyes trace a bird as it breaks loose from a tree branch, sailing over the street and across the sun overhead. Just give him a minute of this and then he'll figure out what to do. ]
[ Look, that ... incident with Kanda took care of two birds with one stone. It removed the problem of Kanda and helped settle things with Kiryu -- how well the latter worked is debatable. It was like a cat offering a dead bird to its owner...Plus it's not like Mine was the one responsible for actually beheading him; he simply gave the order.
There's a thousand ways to reason with himself as to why that was a totally reasonable action. That's not the point, though, and so long as Daigo doesn't know the true depths of his depravity, it's fine. He doesn't have to justify his actions to anyone.
No, what matters now is this moment. After the fall, this is the last thing he ever expected to be doing. What are they even doing, though? Daigo is untouchable and it's maddening to be so close to him but entirely unable to act on his feelings, an emotional refrain that repeats itself every time they're near each other.
Possessiveness is not a good look. ]
Then I won't worry. [ He will. ] It's too nice a day to waste it on worrying about an impossibility.
[ There's still a possibility, one he tries to forget by looking to the sky while he lights a cigarette of his own. Nearly dying makes you realize how much about daily life you take for granted -- bothersome, really. ]
[ Daigo is pleased with his agreement, settling in comfortably in the lazy walk and the sunshine. Is it better than being un-alone? Or is it just the usual sense of having someone right next to him that he can't really interact with as himself. What version of himself is he supposed to show Mine? He's never entirely met Daigo, what if it turns out he doesn't really like that person? Would that be a relief? Set them free of the whole thing?
He puts out his cigarette as they approach the cafe, putting his cigarette butt into the appropriate bin or else he really will somehow summon Majima here to berate him. He dusts off his hands and gets the door. Inside, there's a counter top for ordering hot drinks and a selection of packaged donburi that can be picked from and warmed up. Simple. He picks coffee and the oyakodon, served back to him within a few moments and then taken over to a window seat the blow on the steam.
Daigo clings on to empty conversation a little longer: the weather, the baseball teams, whatever interesting car or tech news he might have been reading about. He tries not to make it too banal, hopes he's not torturing his subordinate.
Besides, he'll hate it more when Daigo looks at him with his studious attention and asks, ]
How are you?
[ And that itching feeling that he'll know if the subject is downplayed or ducked. ]
[ He idly rubs the back of his neck in an attempt to crush down that itching feeling. It doesn't work. Mine knows he can only delay answering so long by stuffing some of his gyuudon in his mouth. There's no easy way to answer such a simple, yet loaded question.
A few thoughtful (and definitely not stalling) bites later and he raises his gaze to meet Daigo's. ]
I'm managing. [ He doesn't want to get into the finer points of it right now, but does he have much choice? ] Nothing's as easy as it used to be. I feel like I'm on borrowed time.
[ If it were anyone else, he would've given a much different answer, something much less personal and much less vulnerable. He owes Daigo the honesty and knows the real answer would be dragged out of him no matter what, so there's no reason to prolong the inevitable.
[ He takes a mouthful of food, but is still watching Mine expectantly while he chews. ]
And it's not borrowed time. You earned it, you decided to stick around and try again.
[ And Daigo is studying him, trying to figure out what he's going to do this time. He'd like to have blind faith that Mine will take what Kiryu had to tell him forward into the future, but he worries. Because there's still something unresolved: and it's them. Is he the master and Mine the servant, or are they going to figure out how to be equals? That's not a conversation for the cafe or the office. Or anywhere public facing, really. He can't be just himself much of anywhere. Can Mine tolerate that, being kept at a distance even after he's been brought close? It seems unfair. It's why Daigo doesn't do it; sleeps with someone once with the understanding that he'll never be back again. ]
[ As long as he's alive, he can start again...And yet here he is in the same place he was before. Is it the same, though? Everyone looks at him differently now and treats him differently. Hard not to when you went through what he did. ]
I have no reason to lie to you.
[ Which is true. He could be more honest, but this is too public of a place for that kind of discussion. The honest truth is that he feels extremely inadequate standing next to Daigo and that he's not worthy of that position. Master and servant is much more akin to his line of thinking right now...The idea of them being equals is beyond him right now.
And maybe that's why the distance between them is so maddening. ]
If I'd left...I don't know what I would have done with myself. I stuck around because of you.
[ He still feels like he owes so much to Daigo, so much he can never repay and so much he can never make up for. The pain of never being able to truly show Daigo his devotion is a sort of punishment for himself. ]
[ He should respond. He should acknowledge that, somehow. He should decide if he's accepting this or if the only thing he needs Mine to do is keep his books. He stirs what little remains of his food distractedly. ]
I know, and we should talk.
[ Because they're not and Daigo knows that, even as they keep up the farce of doing so. This is empty: reiterations of points already considered without ever stretching to resolution. Daigo frowns to himself for a moment. He is trying to visualize a resolution and he can't. ]
You... really think just sticking close to me is enough for you?
[ There's an incredulous pinch in his brow as he looks up. He already hasn't been enough to save this man. That he's still sitting across from him now is a fluke, not a result. He already feels guilty for his failures and nervous of what the smallest misstep will furnish. He already knows he can't live up to the fantasy of himself that lives in Mine's head. They've tested this already and everyone came away hurt.
But alive enough to roll the dice again, if they're foolish enough. ]
[ He should say something. He should do something besides stare a hole into the table. There's still a deep need to keep up appearances. He wants to lie and say yes, it's enough, but it's not. It will never be enough.
The lingering silence and his inability to look at Daigo should be answer enough. Mine looks up after a solid minute of silence, tired of poking the remnants of his food around his bowl and avoiding the question. It should just be simple enough to tell him the truth.
It's not. He hesitates again. ]
No. [ It's out there now. ] It's not. If that's all you want it to be, I can accept that.
[ He really didn't mean to do this here. But they have about five minutes before anyone notices they're lingering longer than they need to. No one is paying attention, his bodyguards aren't here, Majima isn't lurking around a corner. It's a small bubble of time where they are entirely inconspicuous; where they are no one of note. ]
That sounds awful.
[ Bluntly. Considering Daigo's own pathetic habit of pining for things he can't have, he can attest. ]
I don't want to do that to you. But I don't know if I even have what you want.
[ And if I have to watch you destroy yourself over me again, I don't think I can stand it. ]
[ What a rare and strange opportunity to exist as faces in a crowd, even if just for a few minutes. Too bad it's saddled with the reality of what's been said. It's crushing instead of freeing.
Of course Daigo has what he wants -- how can he not? That's why he did everything he did. It was all in the name of proving his worth to Daigo. He clearly has to have what Mine wants. If he doesn't...What does that mean? The thought alone is enough to send him spiraling.
They're in public. He has to maintain his calm. The existential crisis a simple statement kicked off can wait until he's alone again. ]
But what if you do? [ Selfish. Self-centered. He hasn't learned anything, has he? ] You aren't obligated to give me anything or do anything for my sake. But...
[ No. It's too much to ask anything of Daigo. It's not his place. If Daigo wants to give him more than he already has, that's his choice. As much as Mine wants it, pushing it is not in anyone's best interest.
[ He's smarter than this. He knows there's no way to disentangle doing something for Mine's sake. To ease his heartache, to try again to instill something valuable in him. You don't take up relationships planning to change the other person. ]
Things would have been easier if you left, you know. If you were a civilian instead of my subordinate.
[ Distance, their own separate lives to live. It doesn't work like that with the gokudo, where they're sworn brothers and Daigo has taken a bullet for him and reports to him more days than not. ]
Anything I do is an abuse of power. Even just allowing you to stay is stringing you along for my benefit.
[ And he's already selfishly, pathetically done that. He folds his hands on the table, pushing his food to the side with his head slightly tilted. ]
[ Easier. Lots of things would have been easier. It's not as if he didn't choose this path for himself; he knew exactly what this kind of life would entail. Nothing has been easy for him. Why start taking the easy path after a little near-death experience? ]
That's your choice, isn't it? It's not up to me to decide for you.
[ And whatever Daigo decides, he'll accept. It's not like Mine is going to go anywhere. It'll just be a desire forever out of his reach that may or may not drive him mad -- more mad. ]
[ At surface value, maybe it looks like he's trying to get out of being responsible for this choice but what this looks like in Daigo's mind is simple: They can't do this if Mine is forever going to treat him like an infallible master.
He sweeps up his garbage in a smooth motion then. When he's sorted it into the appropriate little bins, he straightens his coat and waits by the door. He's already feeling around his pockets for his deck of cigarettes. ]
[ Mine takes a moment to compose himself before following after him. He has to make the decision...
The right one would be to not take a chance on this and carry on as things always have been. He's not in the mood to make the correct decision. What he wants and has wanted for quite some time is dangling right there in front of him and like hell he's going to walk away from that.
There's that selfishness he can't give up.
He deals with his trash before fixing his gaze on Daigo. ]
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tfln overflow; @plate_builder
I didn't realize birthday parties were your forte.
Re: tfln overflow; @plate_builder
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It doesn't leave Daigo much choice but to accept it that Mine wants to take up the helm again. There's no one who can do a better job, the intricacies of the families' many enterprises is too much of a challenge for anyone else to skillfully wrangle.
It doesn't stop Daigo from regretting it a little anyway, even if he won't say as much. The hospital rooftop remains a whirl and a wound that still twinges. What is he doing to his men that things could go so terribly wrong?
There's a undercurrent of uncertainty when he appears in the door of the Hakuho office, ]
Hey. Working too hard, I assume?
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Daigo's assessment is correct. It takes Mine a moment to even look up from what he's working on. He stands up from his desk and bows. ]
As hard as I should be. [ Harder than that. He's still not completely recovered from the incident at the hospital, but Mine isn't one to sit idle when he could be working. His devotion to Daigo is still unwavering. ] ...You didn't come here just to check on me, did you?
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He makes himself smile at Mine anyway. ]
I wanted to get lunch with you, but... I could always ask Majima.
[ A dirty play, he knows. But it's hard to get Mine out from behind that desk if he doesn't apply a little pressure. ]
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He manages a slight smile himself. A break will do him some good, especially in more than agreeable company. ]
If that's what you want, I'm not going to turn you down. [ That's a yes. ] Did you have somewhere in mind?
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In the end, he just wants what's going to be good for Yoshitaka. A lunch break is a start and he can continue to fret about it all from there. ]
Honestly, I just wanted to go down to the cafe and pick up something simple.
[ A wry, self-effacing little smile. Begging off to not be judged for his lack of sophisticated tastes. He's just a dumbass yakuza at heart. And when everything else is really too much, it's nice to make something be simple. ]
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Simple is fine with me.
[ For all the conspicuous consumption that fills his office and the type of lifestyle he'd grown accustomed to, sometimes he craves something simple and inexpensive. No expectations are attached when things are simple. There's none of the ritual and annoyance that can come with more expensive options. Everything else is too complicated already; lunch can be simple.
Mine carefully puts away what he'd been working on before stepping in front of his desk. It's hard not to feel unworthy of even being in Daigo's presence after what happened -- not that he ever felt worthy of that. Feelings to be choked down and put in their place. ]
A walk, then? Some fresh air will be nice.
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I'd like that.
[ Majima and his bodyguards would not but he's not going to ask them, is he. Instead he just holds the door open with an inviting tilt of his head. ]
It's not too far.
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Mine realizes he's been silent for too long -- not that he's ever said more than strictly necessary. It just feels like he should say something right now. ]
Are you going to catch hell for being out unguarded like this?
[ As if he'd let anything happen to Daigo. ]
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[ Daigo doesn't appear to be taking it all that seriously. Although, behind his mild expression he does consider his data points. Tojo doesn't have any new front runners for power at the moment, why jump straight to assassinating him with so many chairs open to start from?
Can't ever really discount the Omi though. Although they seem to be rather content with their own rebuilding efforts after Ryuji left such a mess behind. Maybe next year they'll get back around to hating his guts. ]
I don't think I've upset anyone enough to warrant an attack in broad daylight recently.
[ He ducks his head down to pluck a cigarette out of a pack. ]
Majima can yell at me later, if he likes. Although, you could just not tell on me.
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I have no interest in telling on you. If he finds out, it won't be because of me.
[ This is just a lunch date. Nothing should happen. He's still a little paranoid for his own reasons -- running afoul of an international arms ring tends to have that effect. The leader may be dead, but that doesn't mean the group's dissolved. That paranoia means that Mine is slightly more armed than usual. If anything does happen, he can handle it. It's the least he can do. ]
You'll be safe with me, anyway.
[ A nagging voice in the back of his head says that no, Daigo is in more danger with him. It's a voice he conveniently ignores. A selfish action, but maybe he's earned being a little selfish. ]
dw eating *all* my daigo notifs lord
And he just smiles faintly at Mine in thanks. ]
Very gallant.
[ Majima would agree with Mine, that Daigo is in more danger around this basket case than he is with anyone else. The Mad Dog has been polite enough to keep the little incident with Kanda's head to himself, probably because Kiryu told him to, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten. ]
I'm not worried about it. You shouldn't be either.
[ A cheerful tone suggesting they use some mind over matter and just have a nice outing. That's what he wants for the moment. He ignores that niggling voice that tells him making Mine play along like nothing is wrong is cruel. But can't they just enjoy the fresh air for a few minutes? What is so wrong with that?
He lets his eyes trace a bird as it breaks loose from a tree branch, sailing over the street and across the sun overhead. Just give him a minute of this and then he'll figure out what to do. ]
rude
There's a thousand ways to reason with himself as to why that was a totally reasonable action. That's not the point, though, and so long as Daigo doesn't know the true depths of his depravity, it's fine. He doesn't have to justify his actions to anyone.
No, what matters now is this moment. After the fall, this is the last thing he ever expected to be doing. What are they even doing, though? Daigo is untouchable and it's maddening to be so close to him but entirely unable to act on his feelings, an emotional refrain that repeats itself every time they're near each other.
Possessiveness is not a good look. ]
Then I won't worry. [ He will. ] It's too nice a day to waste it on worrying about an impossibility.
[ There's still a possibility, one he tries to forget by looking to the sky while he lights a cigarette of his own. Nearly dying makes you realize how much about daily life you take for granted -- bothersome, really. ]
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He puts out his cigarette as they approach the cafe, putting his cigarette butt into the appropriate bin or else he really will somehow summon Majima here to berate him. He dusts off his hands and gets the door. Inside, there's a counter top for ordering hot drinks and a selection of packaged donburi that can be picked from and warmed up. Simple. He picks coffee and the oyakodon, served back to him within a few moments and then taken over to a window seat the blow on the steam.
Daigo clings on to empty conversation a little longer: the weather, the baseball teams, whatever interesting car or tech news he might have been reading about. He tries not to make it too banal, hopes he's not torturing his subordinate.
Besides, he'll hate it more when Daigo looks at him with his studious attention and asks, ]
How are you?
[ And that itching feeling that he'll know if the subject is downplayed or ducked. ]
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A few thoughtful (and definitely not stalling) bites later and he raises his gaze to meet Daigo's. ]
I'm managing. [ He doesn't want to get into the finer points of it right now, but does he have much choice? ] Nothing's as easy as it used to be. I feel like I'm on borrowed time.
[ If it were anyone else, he would've given a much different answer, something much less personal and much less vulnerable. He owes Daigo the honesty and knows the real answer would be dragged out of him no matter what, so there's no reason to prolong the inevitable.
Mine smiles faintly. ]
Is that what you wanted to hear?
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[ He takes a mouthful of food, but is still watching Mine expectantly while he chews. ]
And it's not borrowed time. You earned it, you decided to stick around and try again.
[ And Daigo is studying him, trying to figure out what he's going to do this time. He'd like to have blind faith that Mine will take what Kiryu had to tell him forward into the future, but he worries. Because there's still something unresolved: and it's them. Is he the master and Mine the servant, or are they going to figure out how to be equals? That's not a conversation for the cafe or the office. Or anywhere public facing, really. He can't be just himself much of anywhere. Can Mine tolerate that, being kept at a distance even after he's been brought close? It seems unfair. It's why Daigo doesn't do it; sleeps with someone once with the understanding that he'll never be back again. ]
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I have no reason to lie to you.
[ Which is true. He could be more honest, but this is too public of a place for that kind of discussion. The honest truth is that he feels extremely inadequate standing next to Daigo and that he's not worthy of that position. Master and servant is much more akin to his line of thinking right now...The idea of them being equals is beyond him right now.
And maybe that's why the distance between them is so maddening. ]
If I'd left...I don't know what I would have done with myself. I stuck around because of you.
[ He still feels like he owes so much to Daigo, so much he can never repay and so much he can never make up for. The pain of never being able to truly show Daigo his devotion is a sort of punishment for himself. ]
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I know, and we should talk.
[ Because they're not and Daigo knows that, even as they keep up the farce of doing so. This is empty: reiterations of points already considered without ever stretching to resolution. Daigo frowns to himself for a moment. He is trying to visualize a resolution and he can't. ]
You... really think just sticking close to me is enough for you?
[ There's an incredulous pinch in his brow as he looks up. He already hasn't been enough to save this man. That he's still sitting across from him now is a fluke, not a result. He already feels guilty for his failures and nervous of what the smallest misstep will furnish. He already knows he can't live up to the fantasy of himself that lives in Mine's head. They've tested this already and everyone came away hurt.
But alive enough to roll the dice again, if they're foolish enough. ]
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The lingering silence and his inability to look at Daigo should be answer enough. Mine looks up after a solid minute of silence, tired of poking the remnants of his food around his bowl and avoiding the question. It should just be simple enough to tell him the truth.
It's not. He hesitates again. ]
No. [ It's out there now. ] It's not. If that's all you want it to be, I can accept that.
[ He can't.
He'll have to. ]
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That sounds awful.
[ Bluntly. Considering Daigo's own pathetic habit of pining for things he can't have, he can attest. ]
I don't want to do that to you. But I don't know if I even have what you want.
[ And if I have to watch you destroy yourself over me again, I don't think I can stand it. ]
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Of course Daigo has what he wants -- how can he not? That's why he did everything he did. It was all in the name of proving his worth to Daigo. He clearly has to have what Mine wants. If he doesn't...What does that mean? The thought alone is enough to send him spiraling.
They're in public. He has to maintain his calm. The existential crisis a simple statement kicked off can wait until he's alone again. ]
But what if you do? [ Selfish. Self-centered. He hasn't learned anything, has he? ] You aren't obligated to give me anything or do anything for my sake. But...
[ No. It's too much to ask anything of Daigo. It's not his place. If Daigo wants to give him more than he already has, that's his choice. As much as Mine wants it, pushing it is not in anyone's best interest.
He can wait as long as he has to. ]
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Things would have been easier if you left, you know. If you were a civilian instead of my subordinate.
[ Distance, their own separate lives to live. It doesn't work like that with the gokudo, where they're sworn brothers and Daigo has taken a bullet for him and reports to him more days than not. ]
Anything I do is an abuse of power. Even just allowing you to stay is stringing you along for my benefit.
[ And he's already selfishly, pathetically done that. He folds his hands on the table, pushing his food to the side with his head slightly tilted. ]
What should I do?
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That's your choice, isn't it? It's not up to me to decide for you.
[ And whatever Daigo decides, he'll accept. It's not like Mine is going to go anywhere. It'll just be a desire forever out of his reach that may or may not drive him mad -- more mad. ]
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No. It is. You need to make the decision.
[ At surface value, maybe it looks like he's trying to get out of being responsible for this choice but what this looks like in Daigo's mind is simple: They can't do this if Mine is forever going to treat him like an infallible master.
He sweeps up his garbage in a smooth motion then. When he's sorted it into the appropriate little bins, he straightens his coat and waits by the door. He's already feeling around his pockets for his deck of cigarettes. ]
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The right one would be to not take a chance on this and carry on as things always have been. He's not in the mood to make the correct decision. What he wants and has wanted for quite some time is dangling right there in front of him and like hell he's going to walk away from that.
There's that selfishness he can't give up.
He deals with his trash before fixing his gaze on Daigo. ]
I'm willing to take the chance.
no subject
On what, Mine-san?
[ He's asking for something, maybe it's self-awareness. ]
no subject